MY BLOG MOVED

I no longer use this for my blog. Go to my new and improved blog at http://web.me.com/watermantrevor

The Karaoke Blog

Over the past few years, I have become a fan of Karaoke. There are a lot of Karaoke bars in Portland so I think that has something to do with my growing interest in it. I have noticed that there are few different types or groups of Karaoke bars, which I am going to break down. But first Karaoke in general has a few rules that must be followed

Rule # 1 – The song you choose must be funny or ironic.
Song choice is a very important feature of Karaoke. The song must either make people laugh, dance, or at least draw a reaction of “What the fuck???”. If your song does not do one of these, pick a new song. No one wants to hear you sing your rendition of the new Nelly or P-Diddy song. Seriously, no one does so shut it. My songs of choice are Unskinny Bop by Poison and a duet with my friend Paul of I got You Babe (Paul’s the bitch in the song!).

Rule # 2 - You can’t be professional singer
Actually you should have a pretty bad voice when singing. It is ok if you can carry a tune, but the whole point of Karaoke is to have fun and look like an ass. This isn’t American Idol people. No one is impressed if you can sing all the high notes to a certain song. If you are a professional singer and do Karaoke, everyone now thinks that you are a douche bag. Keep your singing to the Church Choir where people actually want you to sing well.

Rule # 3 – You MUST be intoxicated
In my opinion, this is the most important rule of them all. I mean imagine having a company tent party and they have karaoke (yes I’m referring to you St Jude Medical). Are you really going to get up there and sing “Baby Got Back” sober? If you do, it means you are trying to show off and therefore probably breaking rule # 2. Most good Karaoke stories should end with “I sang Karaoke last night???? Wow was I wasted”

Ok now that we got the rules out of the way, let’s look at the different types of Karaoke Bars.


The Dive Bar Karaoke
The characteristics of this are pretty obvious. A bar you can smoke in. People drinking Tall cans of beer or well drinks. A lot of times have a mix of local drunks and Hipsters who swear they started going to the bar when it was still a local hole in the wall. Crappy floor, sometimes velvet wall paper, a few local drunks who sing every night, possibly an old black dude that sings Shaft (see rule # 1, good choice my friend). For some reason in Portland, a lot of the Dive Karaoke joints are also Chinese Food Restaurants. I really don’t get the connection since Karaoke is more a Japanese thing. Some examples are:

Sunset Lounge – Fullerton, CA

Kopa Room (inside Linbrook Bowl) – Anaheim, CA

The Stargate Lounge (i.e. Chopsticks) – Portland, OR

Galaxy – Portland, OR

The Rock Star Karaoke
This version of Karaoke consists of a live band playing. At first, this sounds like a good idea, but once you break it down, it’s a horrible idea. Typically you see this in higher class joints where there’s a bunch of dudes wearing shiny shirts, Douche bags with Popped collars or Huntington Beach Meathead Fake LA Rockers. You’ll see a lot of top shelf liquor and Corona’s flowing with this crowd. This style in my opinion is really lame for a few reasons. You don’t have a big book to pick songs from. You are limited to what the band knows. Typically they only know a bunch of new songs, which could break rule # 1. People who usually do this type of Karaoke are really good singers, which breaks rule # 2. Again people it’s not American Idol. Here are some examples that I’ve witnessed:

Martini Park – Plano, TX

Slide Bar – Fullerton, CA

The Japanese/Asian Karaoke
For some reason, the Asians love them some Karaoke. The funny thing is they only like doing it with their close friends. Because of this, they set-up a Karaoke store type place where you rent out private rooms. You have full control of the songs you select, who sings, the option to stop a song half way through and so on. Basically its like you are at home (see below), but you are paying by the hour to use their equipment. I’ve been to one that was in a mall, but they allowed you to BYOB. I’ve been lucky enough to go to one in Japan where it was all you can drink. The only kicker was you had to call the front desk every time you wanted more and they would bring them up to your room. I think we got cut-off at one point because we called them like every 5 minutes (See rule # 3). I don’t know the names of places I went too so you’ll have to find them yourself.

The at home Karaoke
Everyone’s been to a party where they’ve had a Karaoke system set-up. These systems range from DVD and a microphone in your stereo system to a full blown system where they have its own monitor. Now a days, like in my case, my cable company has Karaoke “On-Demand” for free. This works out perfect because you don’t have to set-up anything, put in dvd’s bla bla bla. Even at home all 3 rules must be followed. In my case, we usually close out the neighborhood bars, then come back to my apartment and sing until 5am. Oh and for everyone in the Plaza, the microphone broke.

In summary Karaoke can be a very fun activity to partake in or just being an observer. Just make sure you follow the rules so no one gets hurt.

The Unforgettable, but forgettable blog

Over the past month, I've been going and doing a lot of stuff, all of which are worth blogging about. After each event, I decided it would be in my best interest not to "publish" my activities in detail over the internet. Each of these events do deserve some sort of recognition in my blog so I am going to give a quick overview and let you make your own conclusions. Kinda like a Madlids or a Choose your Own Adventure Book (AofH, you should still write the Bible version).



Since I believe in confidentiality, I will try my best to leave out names, but in some cases, I will hint to them. I am grouping these in weekends.

WEEK 1

Twins B-Day/Beer Fest
- Team Douche Bags (see below)
- Came in 5th out of 7 in drinking games (dont ask, I'm pissed)
- Won best costume
- Realized we already won "best Costume" when another team of real Douche Bags hated us



The ER
- Whiskey
- Fish out of water (only watch 1:20 mins of it)



- bruises
- ER (let your pathetic mind run wild on this one)

WEEK 2

Halloween
- See previous blog
- Costumes
- Karaoke till 4am (what a surprise)

Rapist on 28th
- Wine Tasting
- Apps at The Gauche
- Karaoke at my place
- Cab home



WEEK 3 (The Fussy Week)



Election Night
- Cheating on the Jumper (see The Hemlocker's Blog 650 Calories)
- Election Results
- Oban (Not Obama)
- Neighbors crying
- More Oban (Again, not Obama)

Breaking Mid-Week Set's



- Clean my apartment for upcoming weekend
- Trip Nip
- Hipster bar w/ Hot bartender

2 Hot blonds
- Mass Liquor set-up & drinking (See below)
- Darts
- Pool
- ?
- Wake up for work



The Work Dinner Night
- Work Sucks
- Dinner at CJ's (Do we really have to sit in seats rather than the bar)
- Drinks & Conversation after dinner
* "I gotta go, I have 2 hot blonds sitting on my couch waiting for me" (see above)
* "If you leave, you'll never hear the end of it"
* - 2 hrs later I leave to go home
- "Surprise Party" at my place +20
- Wheel Chairs & Karaoke
- ????

The day of Portland Strippers
- Skyline Drive on a clear fall day (AMAZING)
- "Steak and Tuna" (Think about it)
- Conversation with Stripper
* "Do you know who Andrew W.K. Is?"
* "Isn't he a President"
* " No but here's a dollar"
- Liquor Store Stop
* "Lets get some rum for some Mai Thais" (I like Thai girls!)
* "Wait here's _____ Strip Club"
* "Hey, you should party with us, heres my number"
* "oh your phone is turned off, ok well here's our address"
- Football/Nap/Where's My PHONE????
- Pre Party/Arrival of said party from above
- Downtown Walkers
- "I forgot my ID"
- Walking 100 blocks in 5 hours

Scenic Day
- Multinomah Falls
- SINferno
- Go to bed for a flight to Dallas.

You may not get a lot of this, but if you were part of any of this, you will understand. Dallas Days deserve a full blog on their own, so watch for the next blog.

Also soon to come, the Christmas Blog.

Halloween 2008 Costume Review

Here are the best costumes I saw all night (in no particular order).

1. The Corner Sign Holder/Arrow Pointer.

Simple yet effective. You knew immediately what this person was. She had all the right signs (pun intended). A big ass sign with "Everything Must GO"... on it, big head phones, a disc man (no real sign holder can rock the iPod), and the key part of her costume, a Raiders sweatshirt. I'm not saying anything about Raiders fans but.... Ok, here's the pic




2. Pac Man

Original yet a classic. This took a little more work than the sign holder. If you look closely, you can see drip marks from the spray paint. A sure sign of a SE Hipster Art Student. I think it would be awkward as shit to walk around all night in this thing so I give this guy props.



3. Early 90's Skier (Which was my costume)

I have a lot of random shit in my house. Ask any of my friends. I didn't think at all what to wear so I just dug through my closet and pieced this master piece together. Why I had all of this stuff just lying around my apartment, one may never know. Look at me cutting those slaloms on the dance floor (And bring on the bald jokes because I know they are coming, you jerks).



4 & 5 Sarah Palin & Jesus? (I'll explain later)

I lumped these together because I only had 1 good pic of one of em.

4. Sarah Palin.

Appropriate for the time since it was the week before the elections. This is actually my neighbor. She came walking into my apartment dresed up before we left and I was cracking up how good her costume was. Red Blazer, check. Glasses, check. Hair style, check. Gun, check. Dead & Bloody Polar Bear, check. Fake Squeeky Voice, check. "Heart" Alaska tattoo, check???? She was in character all night long. Cracked my shit up.

5.

Jesus ______. We saw this Jesus looking guy walking around the bar. We noticed that he had something around his waste near his junk (see pic below). I got the Jesus part, but what is up with this stuff around his waste. We finally asked the guy what he was and he said "I'm Jesus FUCKING Christ" Get it? If you look close, it looks like a head that looks like Christ. So he was literally Jesus fucking Christ. I have to give it to this guy for originality.



6. Michael Jackson and his plastic Surgeon.

They are also my neighbors. The Michael costume freaked me out. Just take a look.



Here is my best costume from a few years back. Yes that mustache is real.

The Burrito blog

Yes, I said it, the Burrito blog. I am a huge fan of the burrito. I eat them all the time. What else is better than having a whole mean put into an edible container. I would like to shake the hand of the person who invented this amazing culinary creation. The term "burrito" is very vague as now a day there are many different types and styles of burritos. This blog is to go over the different categories of them. I love them all, but each serve their proper time and place.

1. The Mexican Burrito.
This is the common burrito that you would find at a local Mexican takeout/lunch truck or downtown cart. I guess they would be found in Mexico as well. They consist of mostly just rice, beans, and meat. A lot of places now put cheese in them, but if they have anymore ingredients than stated above, you are not eating a "Mexican Burrito". It must, and I mean must be made by a Mexican, preferably one that doesn't speak English, becuase you know it's probably an original recipe from Mexico. The size ranges in the medium to large size depending on how much they stuff it. The meat is usually really greasy so a cool call for those hung over days. Typically cost around $4 for a carne asada burrito. My favorite is from Molcasalsa in La Habra, CA



2. The Fast Food Burrito.
The burritos that fall into this category are ones from places like Taco Bell & Del Taco. Typically consist of just refried beans, cheese and some sort of red or green sauce. Made by either a Mexican or a High School student, depending on where you live.. Typically small in size compared to other burritos. Typically cost around $1. Great for the late night munchies or drunk food. My favorite is a Green Burrito from Del Taco. I drove 20 miles last week just to get one.



3. The Suburban Burrito.
I call this category the Suburban Burrito due to a recent trend of the openings of higher scaled fast food places like Chipotle and QDoba. These burritos still have the same basics of the Mexican Burrito, but with all the bells and whistles. I'm talking grilled bell peppers & onions, sour cream, guac, a pico de gayo and a sauce. Also, the beans are not refried anymore, either pinto or black beans. If you get all the fixin's with the burrito, the poor lady folding the thing can barely wrap it into a burrito shape. At places like this, they are still made my Mexicans (typically) and cost around the $6 range. I'm split 50/50 on Chipotle and QDoba. They both make a mean fajita burrito.



4. The Hipster Burrito
This type of burrito is becoming more popular with the Hipster kids. All organic ingredients, a vegan burrito option, other weird stuff (for a burrito) like spinach, organic brown rice, designer cheese (i.e. Tillamook). They also have variations of burritos, like Asian or Thai burritos with asian veggies and a thai sauce. One of the big difference is that they are made by hipsters. You got guys wearing Metallica shirts to dudes with staches. Girls with bob cuts taking the orders. There is a joint like this by my house, Laughing Planet. My favorite there is the Holy Mole Burrito. it costs about $6.



5. The Breakfast Burrito
I think the name says it all. They come in varieties from your typical breakfast food like eggs, hash browns, some breakfast meat, you get the picture. To me a real breakfast burrito has to be chorizo and eggs. This is perfect hangover food because chorizo is filled with grease. These usually run about $4. at a takeout place and $7 at a sit-dwon diner. There is a big difference in a take-out place vs a sit down place. I prefer the greasy take-out place.



Don't be scared to try something new. Mix up the burrito in you. With all these different varieties, you could eat a burrito everyday and have a completely different meal. So go on out there and eat some burritos!

Cure for the common cold

I have had a cold for the past few days. I'm not one for taking a bunch of pills or med's. The only thing I usually take is DayQuil when at work. People will be sitting in my office and I'll ask them if they "wanna do some shots". They give me the weirdest look because they think I'm talking about liquor, but then I pull out the DayQuil.

I have heard people say that drinking booze actually helps with cold. If you think about it, a lot of cough syrups have alcohol in it (c-mon, you know you've gone "robo" at least once in High School). What got me thinking about this is last night, I was having a few drinks with my friends at the local bar. I was all congested and had a runny nose. I was drinking a beer (PBR of course) and was feeling like crap. Then I saw someone walk by with a hot drink. Then it popped in my head HOT TODDY. A hot toddy is basically Whiskey, lemon, sugar water, cloves, and hot water. I started drinking it and my head completely cleared up in minutes.



I have heard of other people saying what their drink of choice is to fight a cold. Here are some of them:

1. The Hemlocker - Once you feel a cold coming, shot of Jameson in the morning, shot of Jameson at lunch, glass of scotch before bed. He claims that the whiskey and scotch kills the cold



2. TRTM - Only drink screwdrivers. He believes the combo of alcohol and vitamin C in the OJ fights off colds.



3. The Russell - a glass (or bottle) of red wine each night. She believes that, well actually she thinks that red wine goes with anything so nothing is stopping her from drinking the big cat.



Who knows if this actually works, but I know for sure I'd rather be drunk when I'm sick rather than just sick. I did read on wikipedia that the American Lung Association "now recommends avoiding treating the common cold with alcoholic beverages as they have no curative effect and cause dehydration". But what do they know. I don't feel any better this morning, but I did feel better last night when I had a nice warm buzz going on.

Bee Movie Hidden Agenda

I went and saw that animated Jerry Seinfeld move "Bee Movie" last year during the Christmas break (For the ruling, it was the $3 theater, I went with a girl, and drank a pitcher of beer myself). The movie was pretty boring. It had a lot of references to other movies, had a lot of guest voices, but the movie itself was just not that funny. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't a Shrek either. After watching it, I thought ther was some hidden message or agenda in it but couldn't pin point what it was.



The movie was on HBO last night, so while I was doing laundry and cleaning house, I kept it on the tv. I finally realized the hidden agenda. I'll explain the scene's first before I tell you what I think it is. It's not obvious throughout the whole movie, but if you piece together some key scene's I think it's pretty obvious. Also before I start, I did an internet search on it and couldn't find anything or anyone that agreed with me or even made a reference. So here I go.

It starts out where they show all of the bee's busy at work pollinating flowers and making honey. Every bee gets assigned a specific job, which they do for the rest of their life. They are each very proud of their jobs and what they have created. One day Barry Bee (Seinfeld's character) get's out of the hive and finds his way into a grocery store (I skipped out a lot of the other details that don't apply). He is in shock that people are stealing their honey at large volumes. He finds out where they are getting all this honey from (a honey farm of course) and is pissed off that people are stealing the honey from the bee's.

Barry then sues the "Big 5" Honey farm companies. He eventually wins the case and they let all the bee's go free. They then give all the honey to the bee's and the bee's no longer have to work. They then go to show scene's of police arresting people who still continue to use the honey. They show an old lady drinking tie and putting a small packet of honey into it and then show cops jumping on her. They also show people who are hiding tons of gallons and raiding them as well. Skip to the end of the movie and all the plants are dying because since the bee's are no longer working (creating honey), they are no longer go out to pollinate plants. At the end, the bee's realize that they pay a greater role in society than just making honey. What they do affect many other people. So they need to stop being selfish and start making honey again.

Here's my dissection of the movie. The bee's represent musicians and bands. The honey is the songs and records they produce. The honey farm is the internet and the humans who use the honey are people who download music off the internet. Barry Bee sues the Big 5, which I would guess would be the big download sites like Napster. The scene of people getting arrested is symbolic of a teenager getting fined for downloading 1 Metallica song to someone who has millions of downloaded songs.

The end of the movie where all the plants die symbolizes the downfall of the music industry if they do not learn to adapt to modern technology and learn to grow with the trends. I think it is also saying that musicians can't be so selfish when it come to their music because it music plays a great importance in peoples lives in many different ways. Everyone in the movie hated the bee's after the lawsuit, just as fans hate the musicians that sue their fans (go fuck yourself Metallica).



So bottom line, I think the bee movie was Jerry Seinfeld's attempt to share his feelings about the selfishness of the music industry. Being in bands for many years myself, I don't necessarily agree with stealing of music, but I do think that record companies need to grasp the fact that times are changing and grow with the changes, not just sue everyone. Thanks to sites like iTune's they are starting to roll with the changes.